Asking for Advice
Another way to get people to participate with you is to ask their opinions or advice. Simple phrases such as, ‘‘I need your help’’ ‘‘What is your opinion?’’ ‘‘What do you think about . . . ?’’ ‘‘How could I do this?’’ ‘‘How would you do this?’’ ‘‘Do you think I am doing it right?’’ and ‘‘Do you have any ideas?’’ can immediately spark the interest of your listener.
Watch how another person brightens up when you ask for his or her advice. For example, if you ask your neighbor, ‘‘Frank, how about helping me fix my fence?’’ he will probably tell you he is busy and has plans for the next twelve weekends. But suppose you said, ‘‘Frank, I have a challenge with this fence that I can’t solve. I don’t know what I am doing wrong and can’t seem to get anywhere. I am not sure if I am doing it right or what to do next. Do you have ideas about how I could mend this fence? Could you come take a look?’’ You will see a marked difference in response between the first request and the second.
People have an innate desire to feel wanted and needed. When you fulfill this need, you open the door to persuasion and action, a fact that has been proved beyond a doubt by records kept on industrial workers. Workers who have no voice whatsoever in management, who cannot make suggestions, or who are not allowed to express their ideas simply do not do as much work as workers who are encouraged to contribute. The same is true in families. Family-relations expert Ruth Barbee said, ‘‘It is surprising how willingly a child will accept the final authority of the father, even if the decision goes against him, provided he has had a chance to voice his opinions, and make his suggestions, before the final decision is reached.’’[4]
Our opinions play an enormous role in changing our minds about issues. For action to occur, the change must be internalized. Consider this example: Suppose you surveyed people’s opinions on some topic, let’s say capital punishment, then divided them into two groups. Both groups are to write an essay on capital punishment that is against their true views. One group is ‘‘required’’ to write the essay, while the other group is asked to ‘‘volunteer’’ to write the essay. Both groups are then surveyed again for their opinions on capital punishment. What do you think the results would be? When this experiment was actually tried, the individuals who were required to write the essay showed almost no change at all in their opinions. Those volunteering to do so showed changes in opinion when tested later, even though their essays were written from a standpoint in conflict with their true views. From this, we learn two things: First, there was greater compliance from those who were given the choice and not forced to participate; second, as discussed in an earlier chapter, when people feel conflict or dissonance internally, they will often adapt or even change their position.
Taken From : Maximum Influence : The 12 Universal Laws of power Persuasion
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